I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
