Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
