Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
