The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
