Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
