you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
