I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
