she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
