He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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