I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This girl is more easily done than said...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
