when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
