I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Boobs are out for the taking
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
