dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
