whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
