I hate your face
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
