it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
