God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
