Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He has the fingertips of a God
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