so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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