paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
