Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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