conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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