just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
