my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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