Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
