i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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