my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
