You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
