Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
