I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
