Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
