I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Randomize