Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
