I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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