she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
