She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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