you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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