i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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