never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We got so high we made milksteak
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
