Little spoons don't ask big questions
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
