You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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