why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Too much gin, very little bucket
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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