if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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