No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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