Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
