Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize