i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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