can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i can't believe i had my finger in that
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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