3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
