who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
