I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sober January is a disaster.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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