I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
