no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
