Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
