i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
