what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
