Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
