we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
