Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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