just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
