Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
