We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
