The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
