I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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