he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he thought i was a dude.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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