Just cropdusted the office
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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