ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
