So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
