why didn't you poke me back
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
